Kepada Mu Kekasih!

"Kepada Mu Kekasih, aku serahkan...
Jiwa dan raga....
Jua segalanya!"

Vanity

Ezra Pound correctly calls for the "destruction" of vanity,
Although, vanity is more than the image of a girl with a mirror.
Vanity lies also in feeling good about doing good.

An excerpt from Ezra Pound's Cantos read as follows:

The ant's a centaur in his dragon world.
Pull down thy vanity,
It is not man made courage, or made order, or made grace,
Pull down thy vanity, I say pull down.
Learn of the green world what can be thy place
In scaled invention or true artistry,
Pull down thy vanity, Paquin pull down!
The green casque has outdone your elegance.

"Master thyself, then others shall thee beare"
Pull down thy vanity
Thou art a beaten dog beneath the hail,
A swollen magpie in a fitful sun,
Half black, half white
Nor knowst'ou wing from tail
Pull down thy vanity
How mean thy hates
Fostered in falsity,
Pull down thy vanity,
Rathe to destroy, niggard in charity,
Pull down thy vanity, I say pull down.

But to have done instead of not doing
This is not vanity
To have, with decency, knocked
That a Blunt should open
To have gathered from the air a live tradition
or from a fine old eye the unconquered flame
this is not vanity.
Here error is all in the not done,
all in the diffidence that faltered

Shifting Gears

Shif the gears,
Up and down...back and forth!
You think, erroneously...I am of just one,
How so very wrong!

Shift the gears,
Have you thought life taught me nothing?
Have you never wondered what I've seen?
Where I've been?

Shift the gears,
While you shift yours,
I'll shift mine!

On The Adab of Love I

Menanti satu detik pandangan magis Mu
Cukup untuk meredakan rindu duniawi
Segala dugaan dan pesona menjadi irama indah
Kesakitan ragaku berlalu pergi tiada bererti

Pada Mu jua tertuju segala jalan
Pada Mu jua cinta ku serahkan
Kerna hati seorang pencinta
Pandangannya satu
Matanya hanya melihat Dia yang melihatnya
Hanya Dia kekasihnya

Sang pencinta
Hanya dia merasa
Semangat sebuah pengorbanan

Sang pencinta
Hanya dia mengerti
Persoalan Percintaan ini

Cinta ini rela menderita
Agar rindu batinnya terubat
Mengenang Dia...Cinta yang Dipuja
Mengenang Dia...Cinta yang Diredha

Hanya Dia
Mengenang Dia
Hanya Dia

Ada

Dalam awan ada hujan, dan dalam hujan ada lautan,
Dalam aku, ada Dia...dan dalam Dia ada segala-galanya

Dalam hutan, ada taman...dan dalam taman ada puterinya,
Dalam baju, ada Cinta...dan dalam Cinta ada segala-galanya

As Good As It Gets

The still.
Still night.
Is about as Real as stillness gets.

The pain.
Of being alight.
Is about as painful as pain gets.

The chill.
Chilling fright.
Is about as True as a chill gets.

The yearn.
From being Apart.
Is about as sincere as a yearning gets.

The tear.
For losing the fight.
Is about as proper as a tear gets.

The sight.
Sight of Your Might.
Is about as abasing as a sight gets.

The warmth.
Warmth of Your Light.
Is about as Good as it gets.

Love

Wa Kullu Hubbin Lighayri Rabbi,
Feehil 'Adhaabu Feehish shaqaa-u

In every love other than for my Lord
there is pain in it, there is misery in it

Tiada Berpaling Setia

Ku genggam semilir malam
Tika rembulan menyinari
Lalu ku menadahkan
Kata cinta nan suci
Dan akan ku hembuskannya
Tika malam syahdu

Kerana dalamnya
Kasih sedalam lautan
Setinggi mentari
Tak mampu digapai
Oleh khayalan insani
Cuma dinaluri

Katakan bara melecur diri
Bisa memercik jalan nan luka
Dengan selasih balut pedih ngeri
Tiada berpaling setia

Adalah sejarah jadi saksi
Bulan bintang menghangat kasih suci
Aku pun terpaut dan bersatu
Dalam bebayang mimpi berseri

Ku layarkan asmara
Di pelabuhan setia
Akan ku rentangkan
Sang pelangi suci
Yang pastinya anggun di hati
Bertamu di kalbu

Labour of Love

I'd labour for Love,
Move mountains in its Name,
All is game.

I'd labour for Love,
While they find it silly,
While they find it hilly.

I'd labour for Love,
Across the dunes,
Lighted by only the moon.

I'd labour for Love,
Even if scoffed,
Through the troughs.

I'd labour for Love,
For there's no other way,
That I can stay.

I'd labour for Love,
Keep it in fashion,
For them to mention.

I'd labour for Love,
In search of Your Face,
That none can replace.

I'd labour for Love,
Through the deep blue,
For its only You that's True.

What Thou Lovest Well Remains, The Rest is Dross!

If one asked me what life is, I'd say its decisions after decisions.
This blog entry for example, was a result of me deciding to write it before doing my Asr prayers.
The question that entails this notion would then be, what made one decides on a thing as oppose to another?
To me, its precedence.

And if one examines closely, most of the junction one encounters is a decision between a Divine calling and oneself,
Again, taking this entry as an example...was a choice between succumbing to my impetuousness to write what I had in mind and the prayer!
It was a choice I made, to which I am answerable for. (Yikes!)

At every juction, its one's precedence that decides for how one decides,
Allah (and what He orders) or my impetuosness?
Allah (and what He orders) or this man I love?
Allah (and what He ordains) or this stack of cash, this car I long for?

In a world where what we want, is only what we want...until its ours,
He enjoins the following prayer:

"Walatakilna ya mawlana fi jami'i harakatina, wasakanatina, ila Ahadin siwak"
"Let not anything but the desire for Your presence besiege my desires, in my wake and in my stillness"

Because verily, what one Lovest well is the only thing that remains, the rest is dross!

Ameen.

Til the End of My Breath!

"Patah sayap bertongkat paruh, patah paruh bertongkat siku, patah siku betongkat dagu....Patah dagu bertongkat kuku"

No Hero in Her Sky...

"...And so it is, just like you said it would be, life goes easy on me...most of the time,
And so it is, the shorter story...no love, no glory, no hero in her sky..."

The rest are lame! Heh!

If music be the language of love, play on!

Shakespeare said, if music be the language of Love, play on. Not only does it speak love and Love, music speaks for the words that cannot be spoken, words too delicate and vast not one alphabet nor phrase could contain it.

The Suite Number 3 from Johann Sebastian Bach aptly describes how I feel today...that I an safe in the Arms of Surrender!

Sylvia Plath reads "The Applicant"

jodoh

The following was taken from a friend's blog,
A story of fate, a story of what has been Written.

I too remember that day,
That rainy afternoon when I received your SMS,
"Ming, mak aku dah takde!"
I was in Low Yat with someone dear then,
We just finished our late lunch.
Silence came in between us,
I told him to drop me home.

In many ways, it has become not just your story, but also mine...
In many many ways I have never told you, how it has become my story too!
May Allah bless her kind soul...her one of a kind soul,
In many ways, I have loved her as much as you did for all your 27 years...and I really have no explantion as to how.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://asignificantlife.blogspot.com/

jodoh
syawal
3 years ago
hukm

mak mintak saya panggil nurse. mak request another jab of morphine. "sakit sgt" kata mak. mak tak mengeluh. mak cuma pejamkan mata.

one single jab only last for 2 hours. bila sedar dari tidur, mak muntah, effect dari morphine. setiap kali mak muntah, mak akan cakap "kesian nurul hikmah kena tadah muntah mak. mak mintak maaf ye." airmata saya mengalir. malu yang amat, bukan hak mak meminta maaf dari anaknya. mulut saya tak mampu nak ckp apa-apa. saya cuma geleng kepala. ya Allah, Kau jodohkan kami adik beradik mempunyai ibu semulia mak ya Allah, nikmatMu yang mana lagi yang harus kami dustakan? terkadang berdetik dalam hati, mak sakit tapi masih mahu jaga perasaan orang, masih memikirkan kebajikan orang lain. namun hati kembali berbisik, itulah mak. itulah mak saya. itulah mak kami.

ada satu ketika akak tertinggal handphone dekat rak tepi katil mak. mak cakap "ya Allah, anak mak nurul iman tertinggal handphone. nurul hikmah kamu boleh lari, kamu pegi kejar kakak kamu. sempat lagi ni. kakak kamu parking jauh. kamu lari, sempat kejar".

saya ambik phone akak. saya lari. literally. saya lari. dari hujung wad cancer hukm sampai ke parking depan. orang pandang-pandang. saya tahu mereka gelakkan lemak saya yang bergegar masa saya lari. pedulik apa. saya sampai just in time akak nak keluar dari parking lot. alhamdulillah. sempat. bila saya naik atas, mak senyum. mak cakap "alhamdulillah. susah nanti kakak kamu keje kalau takde handphone".

tengahari mak bleeding. saya kaget. saya takut. mak dpt another jab of moprhine. mak tidur. saya call akak. saya mengadu saya takut tgk darah mak keluar macam jelly. banyak. saya mengadu saya tak suka doctor cuci kasar-kasar, doctor sumbat kapas sampai mak meleleh air mata. saya mengadu saya cakap saya dah mark doctor ni, nextime kalau jadi macam ni saya nak doctor mastura, doctor mak, saya tak nak doctor yang itu. bila malam saya teringat. kejadian paginya, mak suruh saya lari bagi handphone dekat akak. jodoh kan? supaya saya ada tempat mengadu. dengan handphone itu.

bila doctor mastura dtg, dia bagi estimation. saya benci estimation. 1 bulan katanya.
mak discharged. 27 syawal, mak balik melaka. tempat lahir mak. dengan ayah. dengan abang. dengan adik.





28 syawal
jumaat
putrajaya

dari pagi saya sms ahza. saya suruh ahza chow awal dari perodua. saya cakap "alah practical je pon, amek halfday je la hari ni." ahza balik. saya ambik ahza di komuter serdang.

kata adik saya, perancangan kita. ketentuan Allah.

saya dan ahza pegi carrefour alamanda. beli buah-buahan. untuk hantaran abang.

adik sms "kaklang bila nak balik? baliklah cepat."
adik sms lagi "baliklah sekarang".

adik call. adik nangis.
"kaklang, mak dah meninggal dunia".
adik nangis. tapi suara adik tenang.

saya letak phone. saya berdiri tegak. tak boleh nak gerak.
saya tarik tangan ahza pegi cashier.
ahza tanya "kenapa kaklang".
saya confuse. tak boleh nak fikir.
saya tanya ahza "nak bayar ke tak buah-buah ni?".
ahza tanya lagi "kenapa kaklang? sape call?".
saya senyap. saya letak bakul dekat lantai.
saya cakap "ahza jom balik".
ahza tanya "kenapa ni kaklang. sape call?"

saya pegang tangan ahza. "ahza mak dah meninggal".
mengalir airmata ahza. ahza menggigil. mcm nak jatuh.
saya pimpin. saya cakap "ahza, kuat.. kena kuat. adik kuat, ahza kena kuat".

jodoh. perancangan kita. ketentuan Allah.

saya, akak, ahza. alhamdulillah banyak dapat spent masa dengan mak.
abang, adik. jarang-jarang dapat balik tgk mak.

jodoh.
saya, akak, ahza. tak dapat bersama mak di saat akhir.
abang, adik. tak putus-putus mengucap kalimah agung lailahaillallah di telinga mak di saat akhir.

jodoh.
perancangan kita.
ketentuan Allah.
saya yakin itu.
kami yakin itu.
Allah Maha Adil.
Allah Maha Pengasih.
Allah Maha Penyayang.

segala puji-pujian hanya bagiMu Ya Allah
kerana menjodohkan kami dengan ibu yang terbaik di dunia ini.

hanya dengan sentuhan itu
tiang tidak rapuh
aku bisa berdiri teguh

In the Name of Allah...

In the Name of Allah,
A thousand solace!
In the Name of Allah,
A thousand fear!

In the Name of Allah,
I forward my pace,
In the Name of Allah,
I rear!

In the Name of Allah,
I love!
In the Name of Allah,
I hate!
In the Name of Allah,
The freedom of dove,
In the Name of Allah,
The tallest of gate!

In the Name of Allah,
Such shortness!
In the Name of Allah,
The great length!
In the Name of Allah,
Such vastness,
In the Name of Allah,
Infinite strength!

In the Name of Allah,
Whites asplendour,
In the Name of Allah,
The pitch black,
In the Name of Allah,
I surrender!
In the Name of Allah,
To go back!

Kelantan

Kelantan,
Is a state in the north-eastern part of Malaysia.
Known amongst the Malaysian, as home to the more "pious".
Often times, Kelantan is also synonymous with "backwardness", mainly due to its governing party, which comes from the opposition party - a party that chooses Allah (in their askewed ways) above anything else.
A state that is bordered by the province of Narathiwat, which is also a Muslim enclave amidst the ruling government of Thailand.

Kelantan,
Is a state that will become the Land of the Dinar and Dirham, come 12th of August 2010.
A state that, despite the charges of others about the ignorance of the people, will become the first state in the world to have an alternative currency!
That people could come to Kelantan, and have the freedom to choose the medium of exchange by which they trade in.
To choose to remain daft and neurotic and persist in exchanging valuables with voids,
Or to stand tall, and choose to be sane! And choose to say, "what is paper, but paper?"
And to be able to choose, is freedom, is Syari'ah and is Islam!

As of 12th of August 2010, the followings will take place in Kelantan:
1) 600 shops around Kelantan will have the stickers, which implies that they accept the Dinar and Dirham in their shops.
2) 30% of the pay of state government servants will be made using the Dinar and Dirham
Our effort in Kelantan are two prongs:

ONE
Using the guerrilla warfare strategy, we trot the street of Kota Bharu, we enter the shophouses, we tell them that 1) come 12th of August, they'd have this choice 2)that this is a fight against the status quo - of Riba! and 3)that them being Muslims leave them no choice but to put up the stickers and accept the coins when offered, and fear Allah and love Allah!

TWO
Using words of mouth, and the trickling number of affiliations and the-affiliated, we try to impart the zest and anger that burgeons in our soul, to "volunteers". The volunteers are those that will transmit this message for us to the street, to the shops and its keepers - when we cannot be present.

The launching of the Dinar and Dirham on the 12th of August 2010 will mark the end of Darurah, simply because, people now have a choice! A choice would render one unlawful should one persist in opting for the Haram.

We will also be able to see international representatives from all over the world at the launch, insyAllah. Those that, as Allah described in Surah at-Tawbah, 9:100

"The vanguard of Islam ― the first of those who forsook (their homes) and of those who gave them aid, and (also) those who follow them in (all) good deeds"

Therefore,12th of August 2010, or the 2nd day of Ramadhan 1431 Hijrah will be an event that will be the greatest political event of the 20th century! And Kelantan will be the onset of the wild fire that shall burn the capitalist world...to cinder!

Ameen Ya Al-Muntaqim!

Your Name!

Whenever I say Your Name, whenever I call to mind Your Face
Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste
Whenever Your Memory feeds my soul, whatever got broken becomes whole
Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together

Wherever I lay me down, wherever I put my head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I've got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I'm calling out Your Name

Whenever those dark clouds hide the moon
Whenever this world has gotten so strange
I know that something's gonna change
Something's gonna change

Whenever I say Your Name, Whenever I say Your Name, I'm already praying, I'm already praying
I'm already filled with a joy that I can't explain
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep
Whenever I'm on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say Your Name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying

Whenever this world has got me down, whenever I shed a tear
Whenever the TV makes me mad, whenever I'm paralyzed with fear
Whenever those dark clouds fill the sky, whenever I lose the reason why
Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together

Whenever the sun refuse to shine, whenever the skies are pouring rain
Whatever I lost I thought was mine whenever I close my eyes in pain
Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way
I'm calling out Your Name

Whenever this dark begins to fall
Whenever I'm vulnerable and small
Whenever I feel like I could die
Whenever I'm holding back the tears that I cry

Whenever I say Your Name, whenever I call to mind Your Face
I'm already praying
Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste
Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep
Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I'm forced to lie awake and have to weep
Whenever I'm on the floor
Whatever it was that I believed before
Whenever I say Your Name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying

Whenever I say Your Name,
No matter how long it takes,
One day we'll be together

Whenever I say Your Name,
let there be no mistake
that day will last forever!

Daddy, forgive me!

Daddy, forgive me...
You have been nothing but everything,
The rock that I build on,
The shoulder which I stand upon,
With you I saw the horizon,
And yet, I get the better of me!

Daddy, forgive me...
For leaving words unsaid,
When you were always so generous with them,
When you raise me up bathed in them,
You were always ready to affirm!

Daddy, forgive me...
For putting you up on the line,
Though,
I wanted you to know, to me, your life is more precious than mine!

Daddy, forgive me...
For keeping you awake with worry,
For telling you lies,
For not saying sorry,
For the tears you had in your eyes!

Daddy, forgive me..
For if you don't, my life isn't any,
For if you don't, my sadness too many,
For if you don't, I have no victory,
To conquer my pride and say what needs to be!

A Prayer

Bismillahi rrahmannirrahim.

Ya Allah,
Offenses have clothed me in the garments of my lowliness,
Separation from You have wrapped me in the clothing of my misery,
My dreadful crimes have deadened my heart,
I beg You, bring it to life by forgiveness from You!

By Your Might,
I find no one but You to forgive My sins,
And I see none but You to mend my brokenness,
I am turning to You,
Repeatedly turning to You,
I have humbled myself to you in abasement.

Ya Allah,
If You cast me out from Your Door, from whom will I take shelter?
If You repel me from Your Side, in whom shall I seek refuge?
My grief is my ignominy and disgrace!
My sorrow, my evil deeds,

Ya Allah,
I ask You, the Forgiver of great sins,
Mender of broken bones,
Overlook my ruinous misdeeds,
And cover my disgraceful secret thoughts,
And at my resurrection, cool me Ya Allah, with Your pardon and forgiveness,
Cover me Ya Allah, with Your forbearance!

Ya Allah,
Let the cloud of Your Mercy, cast Its shadow upon my sins,
So that billows of Your Clemency flows over my faults,
For, I am but a fugitive servant bound to return to none but You!

Ya Allah,
None can save me from my Master's Wrath, except my Master Himself!

Ya Allah,
If remorse for sins, is a repentance,
Than I, by Your Might, am one foremost in remorse!
If praying for forgiveness is an alleviation,
Than I am one foremost in prayers for You!

Ya Allah,
I want to return to You, well pleased by You!

Ya Allah,
Only You have power to turn towards me,
Please, turn towards me,
Through Your Clemency, pardon me,
Through Your Knowledge of me, be gentle towards me,
For it is You who has opened the door for forgiveness,
A door called repentance, when You said "Repent to God with unswerving repentance",

Ya Allah,
My sins are hideous, but Your Pardon...Beautiful!
Clothed me, Ya Allah, in Beauty!

Note

Anyone wishing to propagate the usage of the Dinar and Dirham, can contact me. This is the opening, the chance!

All for Love

When it's love you give
(I'll be a man of good faith.)
Then in love you live.
(I'll make a stand. I won't break.)
I'll be the rock you can build on,
Be there when you're old,
To have and to hold.

When there's love inside
(I swear I'll always be strong.)
Then there's a reason why.
(I'll prove to you we belong.)
I'll be the wall that protects you
From the wind and the rain,
From the hurt and pain.

Let's make it all for one and all for love.

Let the one you hold be the one you want,
The one you need.

Cause when it's all for one it's one for all.

When there's someone that should know
Then just let your feelings show
And make it all for one and all for love.

When it's love you make
(I'll be the fire in your night.)
Then it's love you take.
(I will defend, I will fight.)
I'll be there when you need me.
When honor's at stake,
This vow I will make:

Don't lay our love to rest
Cause we could stand up to you test.
We got everything and more than we had planned,
More than the rivers that run the land.
We've got it all in our hands.

Let's make it all for one and all for love.

Friends

It is narrated by ‘Umar bin al-Khattāb that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) said:

"Among Allah’s servants there are some who are neither Prophets nor Martyrs but on the Day of Judgement the Prophets and the Martyrs will envy their stations. The Companions asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah, tell us, who are those people?’ He replied: ‘those are the people who love one another on Allah’s count. They are neither related to one another nor do they have any property to exchange. I swear on Allah that they will have faces of light,they will be on pulpits of light. They will not have any fear when others will be afraid, they will not have any grief when others will be aggrieved.’ Then he recited the verse: Beware! No doubt, there is no fear for the friends of Allāh nor shall they be sad and sorrowful. "

Mummy

"...Among many people being happy and excited this morning one woman was very quiet, she had feelings that no one could possibly have: for her this historic morning of June,8 was the confirmation of the formula “La Hawla wa la Quwwata illa Billah” with which she started this whole journey back in 2005 when she single-handedly proposed the introduction of Gold Dinar to the government of Kelantan. It was often a lonely journey – a little woman trod a path which nobody walked through before. But she kept on going and going as she believed the journey itself is worthwhile regardless its outcome. It is because of the Taqwa of this one woman that the Sunna Money has now arrived to Kelantan. Madam NIK MAHANI MOHAMAD, you will be remembered by generation after generation as the one who lit up the first candle in the complete darkness of Malaysia..."
- http://muamalahcouncil.com/component/content/article/100-the-kelantan-dinars-and-dirhams-have-arrived.html

Money

"In Islam, paper was and could never be money!
In fact, paper as money is nothing less than Haram!
And the use of paper as money is fraudulent and absurd!"

The above was the three lines that I keep repeating to those that visited the PMBK booth at the Muktamar.
They're intrigued by my claims, maybe because they've never heard anything like it.
Most would start with skeptic eyes and a cynical scoff...Until they realize, the joke's on them!

"What is the difference between this note (an RM 10 in red) and this note (an RM 5 in green)...Isn't it just the colour and the number?
Take these coins in your hand, all 10 of them are different in terms of its weight, in terms of the sweat and toil that goes into producing each one...and that my friend, is value, is money!"

Different crowds reacted differently,
Some wanted to know the investment perspective of the coins...most actually,
To which, I had good answers and advices as well,
But the story doesn't stop there,
In fact, the story doesn't even begin there...well, at least for the Muttaquns and the Muhsins,
For them, the story begins in the battle!

"Did you know that there is no harsher a language in the Quran, more than that used on Riba? You're at war with Allah if you're not at war with Riba! Allah said:

O you who believe! Be afraid of Allâh and give up what remains from Riba if you are believers. And if you do not do it, then take a notice of war from Allâh and His Messenger - al Baqarah, 278-279

And paper money is Riba! Quite simply because, yesterday's dollars wouldn't buy tomorrow's goods, and so, there's disparity, which is wrong, which is evil, which is Riba!"

And some dropped tears and couldn't hide them from me,
And some wanted to do something right away, for fear of being at war with Allah!
Some asked if buying the coins would suffice.

"Buying the coins and keeping it int the safe-box is not enough, you gotta use them as money!"

To the above statement, I get a resounding "HOW???"
I said, quite as simply as how you do it now with the paper,
Offer the coins when you're exchanging the goods you bought,
And when people ask you of what it is,
Tell them what I'm telling you now,
That this is money!
That this is gold, and this is silver!
And in a thousand years, they'll remain gold and silver...scarce metal,
That would require one, hard labour to obtain it, either by mining them or exchanging them with something valuable, instead of blatant printing.

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There are more than 1 million things to be said about the Muktamar,
And a million more about the "leaders",
But I wouldn't bother, not here,
Allah has shaped every single thing to perfection,
There must be some role that ignorance play.
May Allah bless the man that prostrated and cried at the sight of the coins,
Knowing that his shoulders now bear the weight of the battle,
May Allah bless you and I, who wants nothing more, nothing more than His recognition.
Ameen.

Could It Be?

Could it be,
That this is yet, another self-abasement period for me?
Has my pride soared so high that only You can abase me?
Will I be able to redeem myself higher in Your Eyes?
Will I survive?

Could it be,
That this is yet, another Mercy?
Just like the one You did for me?
When You let life leave me cold with only You to warm me?

Could it be,
That this is a test that shall defeat me?
That nothing could redeem me?
That You have turned Your Majestic face away?
In disdain...

Could it be,
That You hate me?
That my entire being could be so undeserving?
That You have left me to my own destiny?
That I shall spiral my way down the abyss?

Could it be,
That there is still hope for me?
That You would take me back?
I beg You,
Please take me back!

I feel so cold!
Now that I've tasted Your Warmth and Your Light,
I feel so alone!
Now that I've seen Your Mercy and Your Might,
I feel so hapless!
Now that I've built my life around You,
I wonder why I need him too?

A Note to Readers of the Blog

This blog is being used by the author, as means of expressing her deepest thoughts and wishes, and could contain matters of sheer imagination.

Little Boy

As you sat there...little boy,
By the jostling crowd that walks the pavement that you rest on,
Scooping the rice from that sad container,
Between your plunge...you lift your head and you looked in my direction.

I saw how naively you had define that moment as your life!
I saw how contently you ate...to you they were a bounty!

You made me weep...little boy!
You made me weep with rage,
You made me tremble with fear, for the things I allow them to take.

As you sat there...little boy,
I know my role,
Whoever you are, that blameless frame of yours call for protection,
Calls for cover under all condition.

Did you know...little boy,
My existence is at the expense of yours?
Did you know...little boy,
The system locks you there, and me...here?
Did you know...little boy,
The rice I eat, is at the expense of your lunches and dinners,
The games I play, is at the expense of your laughters,

How will He forgive me...little boy?
Will a card that say "I'm sorry" make sense to you?
Will a card that say "I'm sorry" do justice for all that I do...for all I did not do?
To protect you?

May He protect your little body...little boy,
While I try to set things upright,
Just so you and your little companies could enjoy His Merciful Gifts,
Could drink the water,
Could laugh the laughter,
Could breathe the air,
Could know that He is there!

Where My Being Longs to Be...

I think of you,
And the street you paved,
And the air you breathe,
And the sweat that trickles down your body.

I think of those around you,
About how lucky they are to be that alive!

I think of the sun that shone on your shadows,
The very one also shines on mine...I feel contented.
For if I still wait for the day I would catch a glimpse of that life u led,
Knowing we lived under His same blue sky...I feel a short connection with you.

I think of how He loved you and how He spoke of you often,
Naively...I envy.
My soul could not comprehend the things you had to put up with, and only saw how He repeatedly say your name, and so naively my soul envied.

I want to lead the same life you led,
I want to live in the same amount of space you had,
I want to breathe that same air,
I want to know how you do it?

I long for that glory!
I long for that love that knows no boundary!
I long to be lost in eternity,
Amongst those He loved and that's where, my being longs to be.

Mama

Mama,
Just your name I breakdown and cry,
Just your name and I don't have to ask why,
Just your name and I could fly,
Just your name and limit is the sky.

Mama,
Just your name and I'm a child,
Just your name and nothing is mild,
Just your name to make me smile,
Just your name ease my thoughts so wild.

Mama,
Just your name and life is bliss,
My troubled life is put to ease,
Just you there I know you care,
Just you there my equation square.

Mama,
Just your love and I am loved,
Just your love and nothing comes above,
Just your being and life is whole,
Just your prayers keep me from the cold.

Which Tears?

Which tears am I crying?
Is it the narration of melancholy of my people?
The muddled and puzzled look that has left their eyes blank for tomorrow.

Which tears am I crying?
Is it the weeping over the dead blameless bodies of babies?
Of mothers?
Of the buds which cease growing.

Or,
Are my tears the tears of fear?
If fear, what is it that I fear?

Are my tears the tears of obedience, which seem as far as the eye can see?
Are my tears the tears of despondence, for You and You only?

Which tears would in the end matter?
Which of these tears would in the end falter?

Which tears am I crying?
Is it the tears of my own sufferings...can it be that selfish?
Or is it of theirs...to which, what is the point in crying?

Which of these tears do You want rolling from my cheeks?
Which of these tears would atone for my deeds?
The tears of longing?
The tears of abject longing?
The tears of remorse, of abject remorse...for the things that took me too long...but dear God, there are no strength but that of Yours!

Your Face

Something strike me as I ran through some pictures of some acquaintances,
They and their faces are associated with many things in my mind...

"That long hair he keeps until the day he pays off all his debt"
"That beautiful face she has, feeling like no man would ever be good enough"
"His often mis-concepted demeanor, which shells his gentle heart"

Whoever, and whatever they are, they remain but faces,
Each with a story to tell,
Each with some hard stories and then some easy stories...
All of which cancels out to a perfect --- equal!

And then...I found Him!
Again, I found Him!

Amidst all these different face structure,
Each telling their stories, "I...I...I...",
They combined into a white,
Of which, His face alone Stands!
The thought of which, overwhelmed my small heart with humility,
Ashamed at my being,
My small insignificant being!

And this Face,
The Majestic Face,
Is full of Kindness,
Is full of giving and never asking for any in return,
Never was It associated with resounding "I",
A Giver, A Just Giver,
The face of A King...The Most Merciful King, The Majestic King.

A King that question my face that shall perish with all my stories, with all my complaints,
"Therefore, which of My Blessings...do you deny?"

I am dazed for an answer, for I haven't one!

Ya Wadud,
Ya Zhal 'Arshil Majid,
Ya Mubdi'u Ya Mu'id,
Verily, I bear witness that there is a perfect void and nothingness, except You!
And that, it is only Your Majestic Face that remains...
While all other things, perish!

Observations

Sometimes I don't understand how people think,
I know,
Some are now saying how naive of me!
All I'm saying is that, I don't know at ALL how people think,
Or how their brain functions?

Well, to be fair, or, in their defense (I don't know why I bother)
We could pin it down to upbringings,
Guess that is the only sane way of explaining things!

Let me start with an analogy...
Suppose I have a Lamborghini - yes, yes the car!
The last person I will be bragging it to would be a man who doesn't drive,
Or one that rides a bike,
Even if I was the bragging type.
Surprisingly enough,
Some are and do belong to this character type!
What in the world goes through their mind?
Is bragging really about putting salt onto someone else's wounds?
I had understood it abit differently I guess,
I thought it was merely to feel a little superior, above others, which is in itself bad...
But to be shoving stories about what you have, to one who doesn't have it,
To me, that's awful!

If we stretch it abit further and try to weave our way through the labyrinth of this minotaur,
I think they don't feel to good about their 'Lamborghinis'!
Or that, their 'Lamborghinis' are flawed,
And so they become defensive about them!

Its just a vice!
Don't do it!
Because wounds are meant to be healed, and soothed,
Rather than being cut into deeper.

Be thoughtful.
You wouldn't know when is it your turn to be on a bike!

Baby

Baby,
As for now, u are but a hope! And I romanticize you, to be the man of my dream. Sometimes I get confused, as to what the love for a man should be? But He's helping me understand my narrow little filter...and its that, I need for you to settle for 2nd best, but next to none but Him. And I in return want to be second best to none other than Him. If you've come this far, I hope you mean it in the correct light! Please note that, none of these is going to make us any fairer by the yardstick of mortals, but its only His eyes that I seek...and I hope you come from the same realm!

Baby,
I covet that face of yours! Those eyebrows remind me of warriors, those that defend the Divine creed. And although your speech and our conversations are filled with satires, I hope they are but a shell to a gentle heart. I want you to love Him baby, and after Him, me! I need for you to understand, that this is the filter!

Baby,
I want you to defend Him and His loved ones, because by you doing that, you're defending me, and I want to be defended, for I cannot rise in the front lines and so I need for you to represent me. Make me a house baby, under His shade, for no palm trees would ever do, and I don't settle for second bests! I want a house, for me and you, one that shall last for eternity.

Ameen.

I need a muse!

But why do mortals never cease to disappoint?

Just a week back, thought I found one,
Alas,
Reality caught up!

A question for the void...Is it me? Am I the problem?

Stranger

I must be invisible,
No one knows me.
I have crawled down dead-end streets,
On my hands and knees.

I was born with a ragin' thirst,
A hunger to be free,
But I've learned through the years.
Don't encourage me.

'Cause I'm a lonely stranger here,
Well beyond my day.
And I don't know what's goin' on,
So I'll be on my way.

When I walk, stay behind;
Don't get close to me,
'Cause it's sure to end in tears,
So just let me be.

Some will say that I'm no good;
Maybe I agree.
Take a look then walk away.
That's all right with me.

A bus stop!

Truth is, in this world...I have nothing!
I don't belong here...
I never did!

In a way, its an answer to a prayer I constantly make,
To make this life distasteful to me!
And the Merciful Him gives it in short doses to me...having known my fragile being, He answered my prayer in short doses.
So that nothing but Him remain in my small little understanding.

Life is but a bus stop to me!
I pray He send some friends to chat with, a shelter strong enough to keep rain and sun away, food that are good...
While waiting for the bus to arrive.

And if a passer by looks at me in disdain,
I pray for the strength to say, "Ahh, but beauty truly is in the eyes of the beholder",
And not let their stares intimidate or stir a single molecule in my body.
For it is not your mortal eyes that I'm interested in...
They have been nothing but cold and prejudiced of me...
My affairs are not for your eyes!

My Lord, I do not wish to realize...when I die...that I have not lived!

Continued 2

Bismillahirrahman nirrahim

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Become a stranger!
For a minute, become a stranger,
Walk with me this path,
Come along with me,
Because we're going to go to the city of Madinah,
And we're going to walk with them!
According to the way they did things, and not according to the way we do things.
And when you walk this path, you're going to see something extraordinary.
But let me tell you,
At the end of this path...you will become a stranger!
But walk this path...because you want to become a stranger.
You do not want to be one of the people who just follows like sheep,to the slaughter house!
You want to know,
You want to understand the things, the way they are!
So we're going to walk this path, and we are going to start seeing.

And what do we see? With this matters of the Gold Dinar,
We see that the people in Madinah were free to choose their medium of exchange!
In fact, they did not use Gold and Silver,
Neither did the governor of Madinah say that the currency of Madinah is the gold Dinar,
They didn't say that!
So, you will not find in any Hadith, that the legal tender of Madinah was the gold Dinar!
You won't find it anywhere!
You don't need to make the gold Dinar as the legal tender,
Because legal tender is in itself...wrong!
Whether the legal tender is paper money,
Which is ridiculous robbery of a society of people that cannot see beyond their nose the complete corruption by means of using anything else, copper, or whatever...
Is no!
Because what the people in Madinah said is that, trading are free!
That the people are free to choose!
Because trading is mutual consent!
And Allah has made trading halal!
And this is good for the people...And this is what people in Madinah established!
With all clarity.
And we use the Dinar and the Dirham.

And Allah didn't mention paper,
He mentioned the Gold Dinar and the silver Dirham!
In Quran!
It means that Allah s.w.t through the revelation...wanted to give meaning to these two words,
And that's why Ibn Khaldun says, you cannot change the weight of the gold Dinar,
You cannot say it is whatever I choose for it to be,
No, the gold Dinar is a Mithqal, it is 4.25 g...you cannot change that!
And the Dirham, the weight of the Dirham...is derived from the weight of the Mithqal,
And this is known as standard of Umar al-Khattab.

Any law that says that you are not free to choose the Dinar and the Dirham,
Are corruptions of the land,
And the system you have today is a system of theft,
Imposed by foreigners!
By the kuffar that wanted to destroy Islam,
Because they want to destroy the world,
Because they have no wisdom,
Because they're corrupters!

But I don't care what the kuffar do,
Because whatever the kuffar do, is a strength for us!
What I care is what the Muslims do,
What I care is that Muslims have Islamize this very system of corruption!

If the Gold Dinar is the currency of the Muslims, than why isn't anybody talking about this matter?
Why has this matter go in silence?
Because if they say yes to the Gold Dinar, they have to explain why for all this time, they haven't said anything at all!
Because the have to explain why they accepted the use of this corrupt system!
To pay Zakat.
And they have no words for it!

The system is a tool for control,for destruction!
Its what guarantees that Islam cannot be established in a land!
It imposes control.
A control that is based on not seeing anything at all.
Because your eyes are closed,and you cannot see,
That this is paper!
Worthless pieces of paper!
With a power that continues taxing you forever.
Is a perpetual way of robbing.

We're blind!
We're not teaching the Muamalat!
We're following the majority of mankind!
And use Islam as a marketing tool!

Because they have no knowledge...and no fear.
Because if you don't have taqwa, you don't have knowledge...and if you don't have knowledge, what are you doing?
All these people are blind...blind!
Their thinking is tubular...
The strangers are the people who is struggling to put something right.
They're struggling!
The stranger in the Hadith is like going away...not physically...but in your head!
You have to move away from what people are saying,
You have to move away from business as usual.

If you want Islam, you have to immerse yourself inside Islam!
Not inside the culture of Islam.
Islam is different...knowledge is different.
And you don't build knowledge from gathered information.

The sufis say, this is your prison,
Everything that you know is your prison!
Evrything that you are is your prison!
Everything that you own is your prison!
Everything that you have is your prison!
Everything that is your attribute is your prison!
The sufis say...abandon your attribute,
Because when you abandon your attribute...you can borrow His.
When you become an absolute slave...you become free!
When you have totally erased yourself...you start to know!

When you say La', completely La' to including yourself,
Then you have knowledge!
And this knowledge is painful...its not easy!
Because this knowledge won't let you rest!
It will bother you, it will unsettle you...Because Taqwa unsettles you!

Nobody with knowledge goes back and say, "I have done it!"
That is the ignorant!
Because people with the highest knowledge they say, "I'm not good enough!"
This on the contrary will make you struggle...with yourself first!
This is knowledge...you will become a stranger!
You will become a stranger to yourself!
And this is what this matter is about.

Invention

A Programmable Dirham Coin Based Hajj Saving Electronic Device

Design and Development of a New Shari'ah Based Islamic Market

These are some of our latest work with regards to the Dinar and Dirham,
The inventions will be exhibited at IRIIE 2010 tomorrow,

In our effort to educate and eradicate riba.

Continued

Bismillahirrahman nirrahim
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
It means that knowledge makes you a stranger,
Nobody can go around and say, I have knowledge of the Deen..and business as usual.
Its impossible!
Taqwa will not allow you to continue, with business as usual!
Because you will be disturbed.
You will be disturbed with yourself, even if people agree with you.
Because Taqwa will not allow you to be contempt with yourself!

Knowledge will make you a stranger, because you will see things that other people cannot see.
Its like to be in hiding, in hiding in a different world.
Its like people are speaking a language, and you're speaking a very different one!
That is knowledge.

Knowledge is equivalent to seeing.
The people have spoken about knowledge, and they spoke of it as light.
Knowledge gives you light.
Light, when you are in darkness you have light.
And with light you can see!
Knowledge is not hidden, it is not complicated and not a matter of research.
Knowledge has been spoken of as opening the eyes,
Some people said, you wake up...As if you were dead!

Knowledge is not something you relate to, as if it was a book and you put it on the shelf!
Knowledge is something tht is going to transform you!
Knowledge is as if you take up that book and put it inside you...its like a chip.
You become a different robot,
You're different,
And you see things differently.
Though, that you see things different is not strange.
Knowledge is precisely that.
It allows you to see things that other people cannot see.

It is not unusual,
And this is Allah s.w.t Himself reminding you, that there will be a handful of people,
And certainly, these people do not follow the majority of mankind,
So you don't have knowledge because you know what other people know,
In fact, its more likely that you will be completely lost,
You acquire knowledge from a completely different mean,
And that is through the mean of Islam,
And through the mean of struggle,
And through the mean of putting things right, correcting what has been corrupt!

All these are the people who will bring back a Sunnah that has been corrupted in our times,
Of all these, the one Sunnah that has been corrupted beyond any imaginable means,
Those enemies concerning riba,
That in our time, has corrupted our entire society.

And if you want to be of these people, and you want knowledge, you will become a stranger,
This is not something that is going to make you famous,
This is not something that is going to make the people say, "How wonderful"
This is something that is going to bring the matter to a struggle point!
It is going to make you a stranger...but a stranger has advantages.
The most important of which is, you can see what other people cannot see.

The reality is that, we know very little,
Mankind in general knows very little,
That knowledge is entirely determined using our senses, our eyes,
Our realities are compounded by the world as we see it,
Yet we have an intuition that the eyes know alot more than they can experience,
In the same way as an ant,
The insects has very little eyesight,
But with their two antennas, they communicate by chemistry,
Their reality is entirely different from ours.
If you put your finger in their path,
They will see that this is almost as a mountain,
Something that is totally blocking whatever they're doing.
They cannot understand what's blocking...This is our reality too!
They have limited knowledge, a tiny little knowledge,

So, this idea that we are great things,
And attribute to ourselves, powers and knowledges,
And attributes that belong to Allah s.w.t...is itself the very sign of kufur.

The very reality of the alim today, concerning the economic crises,
They carry on with the lie, although they have an intuition that there is a crime, there is injustice, they feel, there is nothing they can do, they're paralyzed.
They cannot see, they cannot understand.

Islam on the other hand will give you understanding,
Will give you vision,
Not only to interpret the events that come along,
But also, more important, is to act.
Knowledge gives you the power to act,
And that again is the advantage of the stranger.

Knowledge starts with La ila ha illaAllah
From La ila ha illaAllah, La hawla wala quwwata illa billah,
You build the whole attribute of Allah s.w.t,
From that, you start to understand things,
You start to see things,
By saying no,
By denying the things that are not,
That will give you the courage, the ability, the position to understand Islam,
To understand Rasul s.a.w,
To understand the Hadith,
To understnad the Muwatta',
To see the realities for what they are.

When it comes to the matter of the Gold Dinar,
Without knowldge, its impossible to understand,
And you can test this yourself,
You can go and tell people, and their reactions would be that this is not possible,
That this cannot be done!
That this things are not to be discussed!
Because this is the matter of a stranger.

To be continued.

Real-Time Transcription

This transcription is something Prof Umar requested quite some time ago,
I'm going to do this real-time (listening and typing in parallel) ;)

Bismillahirrahman nirrahim.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Class of Muwatta' of Imam Malik
Topic: Knowledge

Islam stands for freedom!
Stands for the fact that every single transaction, including transactions with money,
Must agree on one condition that Allah has placed on trading.

"Tijaratan 'antaradin minkum" (Quran, 4:29)
Trade, with mutual consent

Islamic banking, is Haram!
It is an attempt to destroy Islam!

You can do something Haram, but you will deal with it.
But the people who says, the Haram is Halal, is not acceptable!
These people are corrupters!

But today I want to talk about something much more important,
Perhaps the heart of this affair.
It is knowledge.

Because, first of all, knowledge is everything!
Knowledge is what distinguishes us from the rest of creation.
Knowledge is what makes the Mu'minun!
Knowledge is what you seek.
Knowledge is the counter of every action.

But knowledge, all knowledge, comes from a single source.
All knowledge comes from knowledge of Allah.

This is the pivot.
The base, the ground.
Every other knowledge, regarding nature or mathematics or physics,
Or any kind of knowledge,
Comes from the knowledge of Allah!

This is very important,
Because, how then do you build knowledge?
You don't build it on the basis of experimental realizations of your life,
You don't build knowledge on what other people in your community has gathered,
You don't build knowledge on what your PhDs give their students
You don't gather knowledge on what most of mankind does
Because, as Allah s.w.t.says,

"If you follow the majority of mankind..you will be led astray!"

Knowledge is an individual affair.
It is private.
It is intimate, the most intimate of all affairs!
It is something between you and Allah, and no one else.
Nobody.
Because, it is not priesthood.
It is the most intimate, and the most rewarding of all affairs.
The affair is both, the means and the goal.
By knowledge...you acquire more knowldge.

Everything that you do fisabilillah,
Is to acquire more knowledge!
Our relationship with minting the Gold Dinar,
Is not because we want to change the economy or to help the people,
Because its beyond our means,

We do it because we love Allah,
And becuae we worship Allah,
And our award is knowledege,
And Allah gives you more knowldege.

You build the knowledge of everythigng else, on the basis of knowlegde,
And the basis of this knowledge is simple,
And its easy to understand.

The people of knowledge, the arifin, the knowers, they have little baggage,
All the knowledge they carry are small.
Unlike the knowledge of the scientists, which are adding and adding.
The sufis, the elite, they say,

"La ilaha illAllah"

And the elite of the elite, they say, La'.
What do they know, they say, they know La'!
They know nothing!

And what is so important about this matter, that this is, knowldge itself!
How can "La' " contain so much knowledge?
Because, all you have to say is La'.
La' to this world.
Such that it is La' to anything other that Allah s.w.t.

And from that, you'll understand something essential.
Which is what is going to make you an activist.
You will not come out of here with knowledge, without this understanding!

"La ilaha illAllah" is the definition which Allah s.w.t takes of Himself.
Allah s.w.t didn't say, "I am ...",
But He says, "Don't worship anything other than Me",
He says, "None of these, except Me".
This the the very foundation of the very thing.
This is how we relate to the world.

Rasul s.a.w said,
"Islam started as a thing that is strange, and it will become again, strange",
And another part of the Hadith he said,
"Paradise are for the strangers".
And his companions asked, "Who are the strangers?"
And the prohet s.a.w siad, "Those who forbid the evil where the people become corrupters"
They are the good people, and there are a few amongst us, compared to the corrupters.

And the Rasul s.a.w said,
"Live in the world, like strangers",
or "Like somebody passing by",
This is the "La' ",
You don't belong.

And these people, these strangers will be the ones that are able to correct,
To forbid the evil when the people have corrupt it.
"Those who correct my Sunnah when it has become corrupt by the people"

To be continued.

Love

Love Him,
For when you do,
He'll love you.

And is there anything better?

2009

I woke up in 2009...
Before which, I was asleep, pseudo-alive (bordering on dead!)
.
.
.

M likes to chant the following Hadith to me, he would go:

"Mimi, things that miss you, will never hit you..
And those that hit you, could never have missed you"

And the meaning of being alive (IMHO),
Is to realize to your very core the meaning of that Hadith!

A dear scholar use to say,
That waking up is painful!
And it is!
For, its realizing that nothing is in your hands,
That despite plans and PDAs,
Despite proven track records of Gantt Charts,
NOTHING is in your hands!
NOTHING!
NOTHING!

Not the things you put in your mouth,
Nor the activities in your day,
Those you carefully plan!

If I may use an analogy to describe what 2009 was to me,
It was a trip,
A road trip,
To a neighboring state, Ipoh,
The car we had was a brand new Beamer (cannot go wrong!)
The tank was full,
We had GPS, and even a comprehensive physical map should anything go wrong,
Signboards on the road was clear,
The sun was an envy!
There was no way I could not have make it to my destination...
And we found ourselves swimming in the sea instead of Ipoh the next minute!!

I'm not talking regrets,
For, who am I to regret, or fret, or even question??
Nor am I complaining,
For, who am I to complain, what was I to complain about?

In fact,
I am thankful,
I walk around alive now!
I know who I am, through who I'm not!

He woke me up in 2009...
At the age of 27!
For before that, I was dead from obliviousness!
.
.
.

As of today, I'm barely 1!
Still a baby...
And for that, may He forgive my shortcomings,
I have just been born :)
And, on top of a lifetime of learning to do,
I have 27 years worth of un-learning to do!

May He overlook my shortcomings,
And accept my struggles.
May 2010, be a meaningful 1st birthday :)
Ameen

Fourth Poster

The u.s is a bankrupt nation!
And being bankrupt, it should render her powerless.
Yet, we see the exact opposite.

The u.s cannot afford a war, let alone wars!!
Who then are paying for the numerous number which they blatantly engage themselves in?

We are!
All of us having any paper currencies in our pocket...are!
Through the devaluation of these currencies.
And the interests attached to the loans needed to bail the different desolated institutions, are the mechanism which is funding the wars.
And the mechanism which perpetuate the wars.

Quite sadly therefore,
The demonstrations on the streets are not the answer!
Neither are the myriad different petitions!

The answer lies in forsaking the God-forsaken papers!
Forsake them!